Third in my 2021 summer compilation series is perhaps my most-discussed coaching subject: how failure (and conflict) enables learning. Let’s be honest – failing is NOT fun, and conflict can be painful on many levels. Read on for quotes, images and even a bonus playlist to remind us that by avoiding failure and conflict we only stunt our own growth and development. Altogether, I count at least 34 ways to reframe failure. For quick reference, this blog includes:
Kintsugi & sidewalk mosaic art!
A few notes from Amy Edmondson’s classic HBR Strategies for Learning from Failure plus Timothy R. Clark’s four stages of Psychological Safety
Six quotes & images for inspiration (Hemingway, Tugaleva, lizandmollie, Sapra, Callihan, & Wiens)
Bonus Playlist of Songs to Inspire Learning from Failure (Send me your additions!)
Kintsugi is beautiful.
Kintsugi
First up, kintsugi! What’s that you ask? Lots of glorious images and essays if you start googling around. I like this definition from Tiffany Ayuda via the NBC “Better” column. She writes:
“Kintsugi is the Japanese art of putting broken pottery pieces back together with gold — built on the idea that in embracing flaws and imperfections, you can create an even stronger, more beautiful piece of art. Every break is unique and instead of repairing an item like new, the 400-year-old technique actually highlights the “scars” as a part of the design. Using this as a metaphor for healing ourselves teaches us an important lesson: Sometimes in the process of repairing things that have broken, we actually create something more unique, beautiful and resilient.”
[7/6/21 bonus update. Loved this definition “golden repair!” via Rob Brezsny]
“Kintsukuroi or kintsugi is a Japanese word that literally means “golden repair.” It refers to the practice of fixing cracked pottery with lacquer that’s blended with actual gold or silver.
Metaphorically, it suggests that something may become more beautiful and valuable after being broken. The wounds and the healing of the wounds are integral parts of the story, not shameful distortions to be disguised or hidden.”
Sidewalk Mosaic Art!
If kintsugi makes you as happy as it makes me, you might also enjoy this article with fantastic, surprising and unique mosaics: https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/artist-fixes-cracked-sidewalks-and-potholes-on-roads-with-colorful-mosaics/
Psychological Safety and Strategies for Learning from Failure
Of course, no post on reframing failure would be complete without a link to Amy Edmondson’s classic HBR article: “Strategies for Learning from Failure,” which is worth reading, rereading, and re-reading again. Please go and do that.
Source: Harvard Business Review
For this blog, the key idea is that there are LOTS of types of failure - some are what Amy calls “blameworthy” or bad, while others are “praiseworthy” or good. Her explanation of this difference is brilliant, and the graphic here summarizes nine points on the spectrum. She groups the nine points into three broad categories:
Preventable failures in predictable operations. Most failures in this category can indeed be considered “bad.” (deviance, inattention, lack of ability)
Unavoidable failures in complex systems. “Small process failures are inevitable. To consider them bad is not just a misunderstanding of how complex systems work; it is counterproductive. Avoiding consequential failures means rapidly identifying and correcting small failures. Most accidents…result from a series of small failures that went unnoticed and unfortunately lined up in just the wrong way.” (process inadequacy, task challenge, process complexity)
Intelligent failures at the frontier. Failures in this category can rightly be considered “good,” because they provide valuable new knowledge that can help an organization leap ahead of the competition and ensure its future growth—which is why the Duke University professor of management Sim Sitkin calls them intelligent failures. (uncertainty, hypothesis testing, exploratory testing)
While Amy’s article continues on to discuss how the approach to learn from failure should match the type of work (routine, complex, and frontier), she points out that organizations and people can learn from each situation. Moreover, she observes that all learning happens through “three essential activities: detection, analysis, and experimentation.” So, even though we try to avoid “bad” failures, we can still learn from them! And, with time, care and the right materials, we might even be able to take them and make them into something different and beautiful.
Even cooler, we know that learning from failure is most likely to happen when there is psychological safety. And, as Timothy R Clarke points out in his book “The Four Stages Of Psychological Safety” (helpfully excerpted by Tom Geraghty, who has a fantastic newsletter) the capacity to challenge someone (i.e. tell you you’re wrong!) is the ultimate demonstration that psychological safety exists in a team. Clark defines the four stages of psychological safety that teams can move through, progressing from stage 1 to stage 4 as:
Inclusion Safety – members feel safe to belong to the team. They are comfortable being present, do not feel excluded, and feel like they are wanted and appreciated.
Learner Safety – members are able to learn through asking questions. Team members here may be able to experiment, make (and admit) small mistakes, and ask for help.
Contributor Safety – members feel safe to contribute their own ideas, without fear of embarrassment or ridicule. This is a more challenging state, because volunteering your own ideas can increase the psychosocial vulnerability of team members.
Challenger Safety – members can question others’ ideas or suggest significant changes to ideas, plans, or ways of working.
So, the next time someone calls you on a mistake (if they do it in a somewhat kind and hopefully constructive way), after you collect yourself, consider that their comment could be an indicator that they feel safe enough with you to say something. While it may feel lousy or embarrassing, it’s also a mark of respect and honor. Someone took the time to care, notice, and communicate back to you. As I used to tell my fifth grade English students, learning to “love the red pen” might not be simple (that’s a blog post for another day), but it is the best way to get better at writing.
Six quotes & images for inspiration
1. Ernest Hemingway
I first heard this classic quote in college, as a college classmate of my dad’s was developing a play called “Broken Places.” I can’t tell you how often I still think of it. Thank you, Ann, for bringing me this pearl of EH wisdom.
“The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
2. Vironika Tugaleva
“The most profound personal growth…happens in the throes of conflict.”
3. lizandmollie
“Failure is part of success.” Love this lego image. And, if you feel like thinking more about this topic, I once listed my favorite 14 lines about crucibles according to Warren Bennis.
4. Poonam Sapra
“It's okay to be confused sometimes - we are all trying to figure out life.” I find this TOTALLY comforting.
5. Kristen Callihan
““I’ve lived a long while,” she says thoughtfully, “and what I’ve learned is there are people who never make mistakes. They never put their foot in it, always act perfectly. My dear, I don’t trust those people an inch.”
A shocked laugh escapes me. “Because they’re nice?”
”Because no one who lives honestly is perfect all the time. Those perfect people? They’re often living a lie. A tidy public persona to hide behind....There is no such thing as perfect.
Human beings make mistakes. Humans who feel greatly often make the biggest ones. It’s the intent that counts. Is it a mistake based on hate, selfishness, or moral cowardice? Give them no quarter. But an honest mistake backed by a true heart is another matter entirely.””
6. Growth Mindset Self-Talk ABC’s
Ending this compilation with this excellent list of suggestions so you can practice talking yourself into some learning!
Growth Mindset Self-Talk ABC's
— Kristin Wiens (@kwiens62) March 1, 2019
How do you help yourself stay in a growth mindset?#GrowthMindset #SelfCompassion
Free download: https://t.co/tuPsugFoRP pic.twitter.com/ixXJuDylOV
Bonus Playlist of Songs to Inspire Learning from Failure
Little Bird (Annie Lennox)
Try Everything (Shakira)
The Champion (Carrie Underwood)
Eye of the Tiger (Survivor)
Be My Eyes (Pentatonix)
Resilient (Katy Perry)
Head Above Water (Avril Lavigne)
Into the Unknown (Frozen 2 - Idina Menzel)
Stronger (Britney Spears)
Go Big or Go Home (American Authors)
Stronger (Kelli Clarkson)
I Lived (OneRepublic)
Almost Home (Mary Chapin Carpenter)
True Colors (a cappella, Groove for Thought)
The Climb (Miley Cyrus)